Faith in Humanity

Someone please restore my faith in humanity. I feel myself slipping more and more into becoming that cranky old person I swore I would never me. That woman who clutches her purse with an iron grip out in public, the same one who locks the doors and rolls up the windows, perhaps the one that waits on the porch with a shot gun. I told myself I would be caring and kind, but I feel myself growing colder and colder as time goes on. Is there good in the world? Is there selflessness? We teach it to our children, yet the world is so dark. It almost makes you wonder why we go on living?

Jared’s mother took him back today at my request. She is staying in a house with a friend of hers. Jared has gotten on my last nerve! I took him into our home under certain conditions, he was to work on improving his life. He was to help around the house and occasionally babysit Ty. Unfortunately he hasn’t studied for his GED, gotten a job, and has done nothing but sit around and text people on his cell phone. He avoids Ty like the plauge and hides in his little cave whenever possible.

I tried for a while with him, but I can’t do it anymore! I can’t have him here lying and hanging out with criminals, not with Ty in the house. When he left with a complete stranger that he met online, I couldn’t sleep that night. I wasn’t even within my legal bounds yet to call the police. What if he would have been killed? raped? kidnapped? I can’t do that, I can’t take it emotionally. Luckily the papers hadn’t have gone through yet so all I had to do was call his mother up and tell her to pick up her son.

Why do I always think things are going to be different when we let someone stay with us? It always ends up the same, getting screwed over. Is it possible I’ve found the only good people in the world and there is no hope for any other goodness? Less than a dozen good people? What happens when they die? I’ve been thinking about that a lot…everyday I feel deeper and deeper depressed. My job is over, I’m trying to find work, money is tight, people always dissapoint me….often times I wonder what life would be like if I didn’t have a family to keep me stable? Would have I done myself in long ago?

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My nephew did this for a competition but I listen to it everyday. It explains exactly how I feel right now about my husband. I couldn’t imagine life without him.